Keep India Beautiful: Etiquette for female travelers

I got busted the other day by the cleaning ladies at my ashram. I had committed a monumental Indian fashion faux pas. My calves were showing.

During the past few days of monsoon rain, no sunshine had graced our terraces and all my clothes were dirty. All I had left in the trouser department was a pair of Bermuda shorts that just covered my knees. I wore them one time to go up and down the ashram stairs to get water at the communal filter.

The next day, it was still raining, and I still couldn’t do laundry. I donned a semi-clean tank top, covered my bare shoulders with my shawl, and wore the same Bermuda shorts to lunch in the dining hall. It felt so good, cool, and free to have my legs exposed that the NEXT morning I wore same said short trousers OUT of the ashram to run a few errands. For shame, for shame!  My calves were on display for all the world to see!

Later, at lunchtime, I was again filling my water bottles where the cleaning ladies were eating nearby, sitting cross-legged on their mats on the floor. We smiled at each other and head-wobbled hellos as usual. Then I felt them silently watching me from behind as I waited for the water filter to run. I could feel their gaze on my back. Something was coming, I could sense it. Sure enough, out it came. The bolder, older woman piped up:

“INDIAN DRESS BETTER.”

“Huh?” I replied, turning around.

“Indian dress better. You wear Indian dress,” she said, tugging at her own salwaar kameez (long kurta blouse) and loose, flowing trousers to indicate proper garb. She had seen me wearing these nice, conservative clothes in days prior, and now she was appalled at my cheeky choice of Bermuda shorts.

“Haan ji. Yes, yes, I know. Ek dress I have,” I sputtered, embarrassed, and tried to explain, holding my raised index finger in the air to indicate I only had one proper Indian ladies suit on hand. “Nehi dhobi milega (no laundry possible). Tomorrow, tomorrow, ji.”  Busted. She half-smiled, half-frowned back at me, indicating that I needed to pay heed to her little lesson in dressing-for-ashram-success, pronto.

Oops. I stood corrected by the cleaning lady. This, from a Bindi Girl who literally writes the book on India travel.

Anytime I push it and try to expose more skin because it’s comfortable or convenient, I get a big kick in the butt by Mother India: I don’t care how much cooler you are in temperature, Erin. It’s not cool. Pay attention. Dress proper.

This is not because it’s wrong to show the female body. It’s because of culture and respect. Do we travel all the way to India to get the same sensation as walking down Broadway in NYC? No. We come to India because of its vast differences, the beauty in contrast, the richness of culture.

Therefore, I’d like to offer a few notes on proper Indian dressing for women travelers in traditional India, along with a few other etiquette tips. (Some of these go for guys, too.)

1. Cover your butt. I don’t care how sexy your Bikram hot-yoga bum looks. No yoga pants without covered behind.
2. Cover your shoulders, and cover your cleavage with a shawl. Also, if you’re wearing an especially tight t-shirt which looks chic in the West, if your boobs are on inordinate display, you can be sure you’re inviting a lot of leering attention.
3. Shorts are a NO-NO (see my example of what not to do). The same goes for skirts worn above the calf. My jaw has dropped regularly at the sight of spaghetti-strapped tank-topped touristas with Daisy Duke short-shorts sashaying down the village lane.
4. Ignore cat calls, whistles, “Hello, hello” as much as possible. Even if you’re wearing full coverage, young boys will invariably try to get your attention just to provoke you. Eye contact is inviting. Keep your eyes straight ahead or slightly to the ground to avoid harassment.
5. No see-through skirts. There’s an item called a petticoat (slip) you can buy for about 100 Rs ($2) – wear it under those gorgeous-but-flimsy sheer Indian skirts.
6. No bikinis in Rishikesh on the holy river Ganga. And please, Euro-Brazilian travelers, don’t go topless or wear thongs in India, even in Goa.
7.  Smooching your beloved is best done in your room.
8. IF you smoke, realize that as a lady, it looks inviting and cheap. Hardly any women in India smoke publicly. Try to smoke in tourist cafes with good ventilation or in your own guest house.
9. Prayer shawls with mantras are NOT sarongs to wrap below the waist, nor are they beach towels. Prayer cloths can be worn on the head as a turban and as a shawl and even as a shirt, but not below the waist. Even though designers are making them now because of demand, the wrap-around trousers and skirts endowed with Hindi and Sanskrit prayers to Shiva, Ram and Krishna are considered disrespectful to the deities.
10. Carry a light shawl at all times to cover your head to wear in temples, to protect you from the sun, and to cover your shoulders. At just a few ounces, a shawl is worth more than its weight in gold. You can also use it to shield your nose and mouth from road grime while riding in rickshaws and buses, or to stave off foul, unexpected stenches.

No doubt, women travelers who dress in a salwaar kameez/Punjabi (three-piece outfit with trousers, long blouse, and shawl) are treated better. Indians will often tell you directly how much they appreciate the effort to respect their customs.

Keep India beautiful. Cover your butt.