To Be Awake: Out of the Closet (Part 3 of 3)

A few months ago I was interviewed by author and non-dual teacher Jeff Stewart Dixon for his upcoming book, Blue Collar Enlightenment: Spiritual Awakening for Extra-Ordinary People. It was a great talk. I’ll let you know when the book comes out; better yet, sign up for Jeff’s very funny blog at Attaining PIE (Politically Incorrect Enlightenment). Jeff describes enlightenment as what’s left after you’ve given up on the search for enlightenment – things are as they are, end of story.

At one point in our conversation, I told Jeff how much contraction and discomfort I feel when sitting before other non-dual teachers in the students' seats. It’s like squishing oneself in too-small kid desks, like those in Kindergarten, when you’re really a post-doc. Something like that.

Post awakening, some of us keep going to teachers for a time because we're in the habit, or we like the teacher or environment, or we like the sangha (community) and talking with an awake teacher is, well, normalizing and nice.

Jeff made the interesting point that he’s been ‘out of the closet’ a long time with regard to his enlightenment, and he is quite open about being awake. It's a relief. For some time now, he's been giving talks and coaching to folks seriously devoted to waking up. He told me that through his conversations with other 'extra ordinary awake people' he's come to realize that the only thing left to do is to teach (speak, write, counsel, meaningfully entertain, etc.), whatever your particular bent on it is.

It seems a natural course for awake folks to 'carry the message,' to pass it on, for no apparent reason other than that is what the Consciousness happens to express. Sitting in the contracted-suffering seat as a student when you’ve moved past the seeking stage can feel downright frustrating. It’s like going back into suffering, unnecessarily. It still may happen as long as it happens. And there's no problem either way.

Jeff shared another interesting discovery he's made since interviewing folks for his book: how each ‘extra-ordinary’ person that he’s interviewed has their own individual bent on their awakening. That’s my experience too. If I have a simple 'twist' today, the easiest thing to say is, there’s no there there. There’s no ‘me’ – it is like a concept, a soap bubble, just up and popped and dissolved one day. I can barely remember what it was like to believe in a separate, identified 'me.' It's empty.

Even though I did have a renowned advaita (non-duality) Indian guru in my own unique ‘awakening’ story (a truly lovely story!), I find it remarkable that I rarely use my own teacher's words verbatim. When I met him, the pointer to truth that impacted me deeply was the confirmation of non-doership. I already knew it, but needed a 100% clear mirror before me in order to know that I knew. Such is the power of an awakened master and guru-disciple relationship. A guru is not necessary for awakening, unless it's necessary. Oh, the paradox of truth.

Each teacher has their own experience of waking up, and therefore what they say will be different. A student may or may not have the same experience. For instance, during the time I sat with Ramesh, he rarely discussed what it was like to be awake with no ‘me,’ leaving that to the individual to experience for him or her self. He never scripted an awakening for me; he didn't tell me in advance that it would be like being without a central locus of operation – no CEO (Chief Erin Operator). That was for me to directly experience.

Ramesh's job was to make sure I had no further questions sprouting from the mind; when there was no confusion left, he made it clear that at that point, returning to daily living is the only thing left to do. The fact that awakening happened a year after my teacher died shows me that God (Life, Cosmic Law) has a sense of humor and we can never know when it will happen, either. Once we have our basic questions answered, we can let go and live our daily lives. We trust that it will happen, when/if it is meant to happen.