To Be Awake: Chopping Wood, Carrying Water (Part 2 of 3)

This is the second piece in a three-part series about my own personal experience with awakening.

Some of this experience is common with others, whether they consider it to be an awakening or not.

“Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water.

After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water.”

~ Zen Proverb 

 

I continue to experience Shaktipat as the Kundalini works Her way through and into my heart. These are like voltage ‘shocks’ of grace that I’ve been experiencing since meeting my teacher. I have no way of knowing when they will come or go. They usually, but not always, accompany an evolutionary leap in consciousness, or a powerful spiritual experience. I’ve learned not to attach myself to the ‘heart shocks’ but I must admit, I do enjoy them when they’re afoot; they remind me of my beloved guru.

Post-awakening, I still experience the same biological urges and even desires arise, curiosities are sometimes carried through (for better or for worse!). Thoughts arise, but there truly is no thinker. Thinking – horizontal thinking (as my teacher Ramesh Balsekar used to call identified thinking) that attaches itself to an illusory past or future does not occur. There is only vertical ‘now’ thinking. Planning of the future, or ‘dipping in’ to the files/stories/information of the past occur as a function of the working mind. The working mind/vertical thinking is engaged, and not separate.

Siddhis (special powers like telepathy, seeing the future, etc.) come and go, but they are not clung to, pursued, nor are there fears of gaining or losing a power. Animal “fears” (involving food, shelter, clothing, safety) arise, but anxiety practically does not exist. I may experience PTSD from traumas of the past, which can trigger the nervous system into an anxious, overly stimulated and shocked (fight, flight, freeze) state.

Other emotions continue and even (gasp!) rage, anger, jealousy and fear arise. The shadow is seen for what it is. Preferences are completely accepted, and can change. Usually (but not always) a quieter life ensues. There is little to no ‘worry’ or concern for ‘the future,’ which doesn’t exist until it’s in the now. There is complete acceptance of what comes as what comes; there is no longer frustration of the world being one way or another. Ambition changes: the old way of achieving drops away. There is no longer a need to prove oneself (since no separate self-locus exists). If goals or accomplishments or duties arise, they are dealt with as any normal person or according to the development/conditioning of the person at that point in time and space.