New Moon Eclipse in Pisces: Ocean of Emotion

Tomorrow, March 8, we have a Total Solar Eclipse, a New Moon, in the mutable water sign of Pisces, the Fish. Attempting to write about this lunation as the energy crests is like trying to write a manuscript 20,000 leagues below the sea, wearing full scuba gear. It honestly feels impossible to engage the rational mind long enough to convey a coherent thought. With the Sun, Moon, Mercury, Neptune and Chiron all lining up in the most sensitive, spiritual, transcendent of signs, we are drawn deeper into our very selves, our souls, and our hearts.

This is a time when emotional and spiritual intelligence run the show. Probably the most ineffectual use of this energy is to struggle and fight to accomplish, to achieve, to push. We can let the limbic system lead, and trust the intuitive, vast wisdom of the body.

So much is occurring below the surface right now, in the collective consciousness. Two weeks ago, you may recall, I wrote about preparing for this time. I advised taking care of some essential business details where possible, because this week and through much of March, we can only flow. We cannot force. There is tremendous power available, and we are not separate from it.

At this time, yogis around the world are celebrating the great night of Shiva, known as Maha Shivaratri. Shiva is the god of creation and destruction, a fitting ruler of Pisces, the grand finale of astrological signs. Shiva carries a trident staff, which is also the glyph of Pisces’ planetary ruler Neptune, lord of the oceanic depths.

Neptune dissolves. Neptune shape-shifts. Neptune changes form, an endless dance known as tandava. Shiva’s power animal, the cobra, winds around his body, reminding us of the power of kundalini life force as well as endless cycles of rebirth. The skin is shed, and a new shape emerges. Endlessly changing according to the perception of the moment.

On the exoteric level, Shiva is the “Hindu God,” (the Supreme Deity for many) who superintends the forces of dissolution. In esoteric and tantric traditions, Shiva is seen as All Pervading Consciousness, the One Reality that we are all part of (or that we actually are). As “destroyer,” Shiva the energy that releases the burden of the ahamkara, the “false ego” that experiences itself as separate from everything and everyone. As the great or Maha Yogi, Shiva embodies the power to break out of illusion and become free from “grasping” or “dependency.” ~ Rick Jarow, author of In Search of the Sacred and Creating the Work You Love

Imagine: you are surfing the Ocean, and you ARE the Ocean, simultaneously. There is a direct, fully conscious perception – a knowing – that there is no separate central operating mechanism running the show. Everything is occurring as a conglomeration of an infinite number of causes and effects, a collision of past, present and future, over which no one single person – no single perception – has ever had entire control.

 

The ego is the appearance of a me, a “doer,” which is a drop of water in the entire Ocean. Whatever the “me” is doing, or not doing, arises out of the entirety of Consciousness. When the ego makes an illusory attempt to usurp the power of the limitless ocean of consciousness, suffering is experienced. The end of suffering, here, is the end of the belief in the separate volitional power of a separate "me."

So, whatever happens at this Piscean eclipse time – welcome it. Know that is Evolution ~ Shiva dancing his tandava ~ doing its thing, of which you are a part of, not separate from it. Whether the cresting wave is a surprise to you, or you had a hunch all along, know that it is exactly perfect. You are the participator and the co-producer, along with Existence. Individual agency is not problematic so long as it knows it is part of the collective.

If we listen closely, if we lean into the wave, we experience the thrilling ride of the dissolving separation between self and other. There is seeing, a feeling, a visceral knowing of the boundless capacity for unconditional love - a universal love that encompasses the personal, familial, worldly, and divine. Resistance is futile. Open your heart, and let it flow.

Erin Reese is an author, spiritual guide, astrologer, and modern psychic reader based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She works with clients all over the world. For readings and spiritual counseling by Skype, phone or email, contact her directly. She can be reached at erin@erinreese.com.

To Be Awake: Out of the Closet (Part 3 of 3)

A few months ago I was interviewed by author and non-dual teacher Jeff Stewart Dixon for his upcoming book, Blue Collar Enlightenment: Spiritual Awakening for Extra-Ordinary People. It was a great talk. I’ll let you know when the book comes out; better yet, sign up for Jeff’s very funny blog at Attaining PIE (Politically Incorrect Enlightenment). Jeff describes enlightenment as what’s left after you’ve given up on the search for enlightenment – things are as they are, end of story.

At one point in our conversation, I told Jeff how much contraction and discomfort I feel when sitting before other non-dual teachers in the students' seats. It’s like squishing oneself in too-small kid desks, like those in Kindergarten, when you’re really a post-doc. Something like that.

Post awakening, some of us keep going to teachers for a time because we're in the habit, or we like the teacher or environment, or we like the sangha (community) and talking with an awake teacher is, well, normalizing and nice.

Jeff made the interesting point that he’s been ‘out of the closet’ a long time with regard to his enlightenment, and he is quite open about being awake. It's a relief. For some time now, he's been giving talks and coaching to folks seriously devoted to waking up. He told me that through his conversations with other 'extra ordinary awake people' he's come to realize that the only thing left to do is to teach (speak, write, counsel, meaningfully entertain, etc.), whatever your particular bent on it is.

It seems a natural course for awake folks to 'carry the message,' to pass it on, for no apparent reason other than that is what the Consciousness happens to express. Sitting in the contracted-suffering seat as a student when you’ve moved past the seeking stage can feel downright frustrating. It’s like going back into suffering, unnecessarily. It still may happen as long as it happens. And there's no problem either way.

Jeff shared another interesting discovery he's made since interviewing folks for his book: how each ‘extra-ordinary’ person that he’s interviewed has their own individual bent on their awakening. That’s my experience too. If I have a simple 'twist' today, the easiest thing to say is, there’s no there there. There’s no ‘me’ – it is like a concept, a soap bubble, just up and popped and dissolved one day. I can barely remember what it was like to believe in a separate, identified 'me.' It's empty.

Even though I did have a renowned advaita (non-duality) Indian guru in my own unique ‘awakening’ story (a truly lovely story!), I find it remarkable that I rarely use my own teacher's words verbatim. When I met him, the pointer to truth that impacted me deeply was the confirmation of non-doership. I already knew it, but needed a 100% clear mirror before me in order to know that I knew. Such is the power of an awakened master and guru-disciple relationship. A guru is not necessary for awakening, unless it's necessary. Oh, the paradox of truth.

Each teacher has their own experience of waking up, and therefore what they say will be different. A student may or may not have the same experience. For instance, during the time I sat with Ramesh, he rarely discussed what it was like to be awake with no ‘me,’ leaving that to the individual to experience for him or her self. He never scripted an awakening for me; he didn't tell me in advance that it would be like being without a central locus of operation – no CEO (Chief Erin Operator). That was for me to directly experience.

Ramesh's job was to make sure I had no further questions sprouting from the mind; when there was no confusion left, he made it clear that at that point, returning to daily living is the only thing left to do. The fact that awakening happened a year after my teacher died shows me that God (Life, Cosmic Law) has a sense of humor and we can never know when it will happen, either. Once we have our basic questions answered, we can let go and live our daily lives. We trust that it will happen, when/if it is meant to happen.

To Be Awake: Chopping Wood, Carrying Water (Part 2 of 3)

This is the second piece in a three-part series about my own personal experience with awakening.

Some of this experience is common with others, whether they consider it to be an awakening or not.

“Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water.

After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water.”

~ Zen Proverb 

 

I continue to experience Shaktipat as the Kundalini works Her way through and into my heart. These are like voltage ‘shocks’ of grace that I’ve been experiencing since meeting my teacher. I have no way of knowing when they will come or go. They usually, but not always, accompany an evolutionary leap in consciousness, or a powerful spiritual experience. I’ve learned not to attach myself to the ‘heart shocks’ but I must admit, I do enjoy them when they’re afoot; they remind me of my beloved guru.

Post-awakening, I still experience the same biological urges and even desires arise, curiosities are sometimes carried through (for better or for worse!). Thoughts arise, but there truly is no thinker. Thinking – horizontal thinking (as my teacher Ramesh Balsekar used to call identified thinking) that attaches itself to an illusory past or future does not occur. There is only vertical ‘now’ thinking. Planning of the future, or ‘dipping in’ to the files/stories/information of the past occur as a function of the working mind. The working mind/vertical thinking is engaged, and not separate.

Siddhis (special powers like telepathy, seeing the future, etc.) come and go, but they are not clung to, pursued, nor are there fears of gaining or losing a power. Animal “fears” (involving food, shelter, clothing, safety) arise, but anxiety practically does not exist. I may experience PTSD from traumas of the past, which can trigger the nervous system into an anxious, overly stimulated and shocked (fight, flight, freeze) state.

Other emotions continue and even (gasp!) rage, anger, jealousy and fear arise. The shadow is seen for what it is. Preferences are completely accepted, and can change. Usually (but not always) a quieter life ensues. There is little to no ‘worry’ or concern for ‘the future,’ which doesn’t exist until it’s in the now. There is complete acceptance of what comes as what comes; there is no longer frustration of the world being one way or another. Ambition changes: the old way of achieving drops away. There is no longer a need to prove oneself (since no separate self-locus exists). If goals or accomplishments or duties arise, they are dealt with as any normal person or according to the development/conditioning of the person at that point in time and space.

 

To Be Awake: Ocean of Being (Part 1 of 3)

This is the first in a three-part series about my own personal experience with awakening.

Some of this experience is common with others, whether they consider it to be an awakening or not.

"To be fully alive, fully human,

and completely awake is

to be continually thrown out of the nest."

~ Pema Chödrön 

To be awake is to know with 100% certainty that there is only now. To have perfect faith in What Is, past, present and future. To barely identify with the tiny “me,” except as the slightness of ego that keeps the body-mind operational. To understand there is no central locus of the Self. To understand the perfection in all creation and happenings – that it’s perfect, even when it’s not. And there is an understanding that everything is a happening according to God’s will (Cosmic Law).

Daily life as an awake person functions pretty much the same as many people with highly-evolved consciousness, except that the concept of a small self, a ‘me,’ seems to have dissolved. There are more periods of simply sitting, staring off into space waiting without expectation for the next moment to arise.

There is an absence of a 'me' identifying with the pain or pleasure. If/when contraction arises, it is clearly seen as a witnessing of latent suffering also known as samskaras or vasanas (latent karmic or habitual tendencies) and often transformation into pure consciousness through awareness. It is like Ramana Maharshi and many other sages have described: once there is no longer identification with the ego, it is like a ceiling fan that continues to spin round for a while once the electric power has been turned off. The unwinding continues for as long as it continues. This is karma – apparent cause and effect – but there is no individual karma; everything is related to everything else for all time, all at once. Karma is not personal; it is not separate, except as an appearance.

The evolution of consciousness continues. Apparent seeking, or curiosity may continue if only for experience or deepening. Life is “Time Pass” as the Indians call it – simply the passing of time. Spiritual, psychological, social, emotional, mental and physical development and changes and growth usually continue. Pleasure and pain are felt more intensely, immediately, without filtering of “this should happen” or “this should not happen.” There is a clear understanding, seeing, knowing, that the ego is a drop of water in the Ocean of Being.

Is there space within this relationship? ~ Eckhart Tolle

Is there space within this relationship?

Eckhart Tolle on the transcendental dimension of true love.

Summary and notes from Eckhart TV (YouTube) by Erin Reese

Image: Alex Grey

True love is transcendental (transparent). If the formless is not recognized, there can be no transcendental dimension (shining beyond) and there can be no true love.

Moving out of personal love.

Falling in love with the form [of a person] can only be a personal (subject/object) relationship, which can only change due to the nature of Reality (= impermanence).

There IS only change. If the transcendental dimension is not recognized there can be no impersonal love. If you only have egos interacting, a lot of unhappiness is there without the transcendental shining through. No matter how close the bonds are, it can only be a form of suffering. Sometimes the other dimension of transcendence comes through - a glimpse, e.g. perhaps you are about to break up and there, it becomes apparent.

SPACE is the keyword.

SPACE is the keyword. If all you have is thoughts and emotions, occasionally you are okay but then you just get tired; there is a continuum of stuff, stuff – so much stuff, it never ends!

Personal affinities between two individuals are there, yes, but these are never ultimately fulfilling and more often a source of suffering. The key is space and from there you move into the transcendence [recognition of the formlessness; transparency].

How does the transcendental dimension come into relationships? By being spacious with the other. Access the stillness while you look and experience the other. Any thought or emotion becomes unimportant.

A mantra could be: Is there space within this relationship?

Awareness. Stillness. Aliveness. A space. 

Image: Alex Grey

The Amazing Grace of Failure

Success and failure may come and go, but there is a Source that is holding us far beyond any external happening.

THE AMAZING GRACE OF FAILURE

 

We know we’re starting to disidentify with the ego’s stronghold on our soul when we experience no difference between success and failure. No good, no bad. I’m sure many of you have read or heard the following Taoist parable in various forms:

We'll See
There is a Taoist story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit.
"Such bad luck," they said sympathetically.
"We'll see," the farmer replied.
The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses.
"How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed.
We'll see," replied the old man.
The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg.
The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune.
"We'll see," answered the farmer.
The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out.
"We'll see" said the farmer.

We never know what is going to bring us real happiness so why not be happy no matter what the external circumstances? 

Believe it or not, I came to realize I had made real progress in my humble evolution when I fell flat on my face and failed miserably in front of a crowd of 2,000 people, and lived to tell about it. The ground did not swallow me up. I did not go to Hell for all eternity. People still spoke to me the next day. I probably dropped a few levels down in their rating book for about 20 minutes – then they forgot. People, and the world, all have A.D.D. these days – no one remembers what happens, the past doesn’t exist too long; most folks are so self-involved, it hardly matters what occurs. So it all goes back to the spiritual axiom, Keep the focus on your Self.

The day I failed miserably was the grand finale of my yoga teaching certification course at the Swami Vivekananda Yoga University in Bangalore, India. On the last night of the one-month course, a massive talent show was held for the students, faculty, and staff. The few of us foreigners were a tiny minority of the populace. Sara, an Austrian actress friend of mine and I decided to perform an experimental art piece in front of the school, based on poetry in motion. In the piece, I would half-sing, half-rap  a piece I had written on personality, and my willowy, talented friend would perform modern dance movements behind a screen with backlighting, creating abstract shadow effects. We recruited two of our male cohorts, Eduardo and Kamal (a long-haired Spanish hippie and a North Indian from Himachal Pradesh, respectively), to play “drums” for us on massive overturned plastic buckets.

All afternoon in rehearsal, prior to the evening performance, we were on fire! The song was strong, the visuals were intriguing, the beat added soul. We were excited to share our passions with the rest of the crowd.

The night of the gig, the Indians at the event – both the audience and dozens of other acts performing – were in typical Indian “fever pitch” mode. This is when it hardly matters what is happening, there is sheer revelry in adrenalin, loud music and extreme acts however vulgar or sublime. The crowd went wild as students performed Bollywood pieces, folk dances, and comedy sketches in Hindi. As the night played on, our little four-piece Euro-Indo-American experimental ensemble was discriminated against as we were consistently edged out and nudged off the lineup. Pushy broad that I can be (ignoring the adage, don’t push the river), I argued with the MC, feeling it imperative: “Our show must also go on!” Though it was getting late, the crowd had clearly hit its peak, and the four of us had also lost our spark, somehow, I felt the hands of the gods with us. We had to perform!

After the audience was entirely spent from three hours of chaotic hysteria…they finally let us go on. And that’s when everything went wrong.

The screen behind which Sara was to move was too small, and the shadow-dance effects were blown. Our Spanish drummer was missing his cues, distracted by a gorgeous Indian girl in the audience he’d just fallen in love with. I was doing my best to keep time, out of time, and perspiring buckets under the spotlights, having stupidly chosen to wear jeans for the "cool" factor. Flop sweat.

And two thousand pairs of big brown eyes stared back at us. What in Lord Shiva’s name are these people doing up there? The whole dang avant garde shebang went right over their heads. Mixed media? Modern dance? Garage band bucket drumming? Spoken word rap? What the heck is she talking about?

HUH?

Culture clash. Burn and crash!

Yes, we were the bomb. And not in any hip sense. We actually BOMBED.

A meager clap or two came when the stage went black at the end of our piece. As we walked off stage it was clear to me: we had failed. Especially me. I was the lead, the writer of the piece, and the provocateur of the whole damned thing.

As I gathered my things and walked into the night to my dorm room, a few pals walked past without making eye contact. Surely, they were embarrassed for me. One friend gave me back my camera (I had asked her to take a few pictures of the show) and scurried away without so much as a good night.

Yes, it really was that bad.

Then, it washed over me in a flush of realization: FANTASTIC LESSON! One of the most important teachings of my yoga teaching course, implemented surreptitiously the final night – a timely coup de grace, indeed. I had failed, big time, and I was still alive! Breathing. Nothing had changed! I was still the same person I was before I went on stage and no one came and murdered me, the Earth didn't bury me alive. No! 

I’d just had a firsthand experience that WHO WE ARE is not outside ourselves. It is not others’ approval or disapproval. Success and failure may come and go, but there is a Source that is holding us far beyond any external happening. Staying connected to the Source (God, Universe, Higher Power, Existence, Consciousness) at all times is the only job. When that connection is unshakable, NOTHING can throw us. Nothing.

In that moment of realization, I felt, Heck. You know, I could have been on Oprah, live on national television at that moment, and bombed. It would have been okay. I would have survived.

I had learned to fail, with Grace.

Being, Living, Existing

A Soul Seems To Be

A Soul seems to be (because it can never be defined)

A collection of shared experiences.

A Soul is the wave.

Totality is the ocean.

The ocean is everything and does not know the absence of anything.

The Ego is a fused drop of identified consciousness..

A drop of a Soul at a moment in time and space

It confuses itself to be the Doer, the Ocean.

At best it realizes it is a part of (yet separate from) a Soul, a wave of the Ocean.

Sometimes, it happens that the Ego drops entirely into the Soul.
This can be considered a form of Realization.
This is Soul-centered Being, Living, Existing.

hari om tat sat





Dear friends and clients: I am going on silent retreat from June 1 - 12, so if you are in need of a reading, please email me over the next two days. I will offer readings by donation until May 31st.
Tarot and Monthly Check-up Astrology readings - pay what you can.